He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
