Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
