Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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