i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
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