Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
