I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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