Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
