Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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