Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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