it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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