i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
