You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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