make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
