One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
