im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The beer is more important than you right now.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
