There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
