i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
