I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
