it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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