did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
420 ftw
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
