i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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