LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Floor bacon is actually really good
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
