I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is wine microwaveable?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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