I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
