i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
