the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
