So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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