the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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