You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
