anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
