I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
