I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
