this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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