You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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