I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
