My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
