So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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