He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
