And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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