he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
