I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
