sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
