i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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