I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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