when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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