Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
