Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Found your dick twin last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
