yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
