So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
