we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
