Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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