Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
