whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
