I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
