I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
