Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
