I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just made out with a guy for $7.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
