do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize