my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
