I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
