There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
