I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
