I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
