Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
