He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
