Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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