Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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