The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
