can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
