He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
