next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
