tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I touched a dick in church today
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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