Michael Bay diarrhea
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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