You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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