If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
