for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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