There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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